I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
