now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
