hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
