I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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