I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
