i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dicks are not precious.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
