bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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