Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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