dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
