my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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