Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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