So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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