i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
