i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
