dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
