So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
