Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
