Whod you bang
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
