I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
