I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
