Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
