What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
