i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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