My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
