Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
