don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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