Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
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she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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