u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
