6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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