im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
