Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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