piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
