I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
