I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
