Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
