I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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