I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
