life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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