I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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