Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
