Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
