The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
