Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
