Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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