I cannot find my penis.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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