dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
dude. I can hear the air.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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