i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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