What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
