nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
