Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
