Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
