I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
