I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
