So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize