we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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