Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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