my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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