Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
