I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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