I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
