Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Even my vagina gasped.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize