I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
