I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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