You work out of a Hotel?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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