Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
