yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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