I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My ass is underappreciated
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
