Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
