My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
