im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
