I've blown a few things in my day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
