that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
