Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
