life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My vagina just recognized that song.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
