dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
