The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This baby is an asshole
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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