i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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