I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
being pregnant is like rehab
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
