well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
