i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
