if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
