Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
