Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
