dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
