if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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